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Thursday, February 12th, 2009

Subject:<3 Darwin
Time:1:30 am.
I haven't posted in a long time... but I just wanted to say a few words in honor of Charles Darwin, who's 200th birthday? was today. Or was it the anniversary of something?

Eh. I dunno. Either way... Here's my two cents...

Denying that evolution exists is incredibly stupid. If evolution did not exist, you'd never be sick, because the common cold wouldn't change (evolve), it would stay the same... and we'd all have built up the antibodies to deal with it long ago. And there are millions of smaller scale examples of evolution in EVERYDAY LIFE. Like orchids :)

The universe is beautiful, amazing and inspiring. And it's astonishing and arrogant that the vast symphony of matter and energy of which we work in unison is not enough for some people. The very atoms that make us up were created in the engines of the stars, making us one with the universe. This small piece of physics alone is FAR MORE BEAUTIFUL than any ridiculous superstition about talking snakes, massive floods, or the thought of living in the clouds while people I knew and loved suffer in hell as unjust punishment for using drugs, or suicide, or whatever.

I submit to you... that anyone who would rather be in heaven for their belief, while truly good human beings would suffer in "hell" merely because they chose a different path... is not just inhumane, it's borderline psychopathic.

To deny science that you fail to understand / ignore is reminiscent of the Spanish inquisition, the KKK, or cavemen. Choosing to ignore the advancement of mankind's understanding of the universe takes away what little humanity you have left (for if god has a plan for you, then what you do does not matter. Religion says you have free will... but if god works in mysterious ways, then that automatically implies PREDESTINATION), and slows down the progress of the entire human race. Get over yourself. Put down the bible. Take some philosophy classes if you need perspective, do ANYTHING but deny logic and reason for crying out loud! I'm tired of driving a car that burns fossil fuels and living in the past because so many people ignore the basic facts that we ALL need to realize before we can advance as a species.

So that's my quick rant / whatever.

So... go learn something. Do it for Einstein, or Darwin, or whoever. Here's something to start with:




Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008

Time:2:27 pm.
I'm about as pissed and/or depressed as I've ever been. My lovelife is great. Lisa is a blessing... but my job situation is fucked. It's not that I don't HAVE a job. I have THREE open contracts right now... but all my clients keep stalling payment. Yes, ALL THREE. I mean... I have more than one contract so that if one doesn't pay me, I can be fine... but if they all suddenly don't pay... then I starve. It's been almost FIVE MONTHS NOW WITH NO PAY. I'm owed more than $10,000.00 right now and I have less than $10.00 in the bank. This is completely ridiculous. They keep saying "the check is in the mail" or (today's excuse) "our CEO and CFO are out of the country" ... it doesn't really matter if it's true because they should have been there to sign our check SIX weeks ago when they SHOULD have cut it. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit. Nobody is honorable anymore... there's no god damn accountability.

You know... I blame Christmas. It's the end of the fiscal year... CEOs are trying to payout X-mas bonuses... everybody gets greedy and everybody gets screwed. I couldn't afford a single X-mas gift. I spent my last few bucks on gas to meet up with my family and had to borrow money to get home. It's fucking sad.

I can't stand this anymore. I'm going insane.
Comments: Read 11 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, August 9th, 2007

Time:10:54 am.
Lisa got free tickets for a preview showing of "The 11th Hour" from work. It's a movie made by Leonardo DiCaprio that basically talks about how our planet is dying and expansion and industry is exponentially speeding up this process by just being careless and stupid. Basically  our generation will either see the end of the world or we'll be able to save it by instating a change in just about every working process of society. It's pretty grim. It was a good watch, too... it provided some interesting ideas about how to integrate our society with nature that we could already implement.

So I just woke up to a dream about the end of the world. Or planet was basically catching on fire every few minutes. People who didn't have a place to hide were being burned alive. It was crazy. Easily the most vivid dream I've ever had. I even felt simulated nausea in my dream. Someone had written "Bush killed us all" on a tree. I felt the details in the bark.
Anyway, I think that movie last night made me want to make a difference and make some changes. I've really wanted a Tesla Electric Car ever since I heard about them. The price has gone down by HALF!.. but it's still not in my price range (was 200k, now 98k). Maybe in another year. I think they're getting quite popular. They rock. 0 to 60 in 4 seconds... fully electric... etc. I think hybrid cars are stupid. they just don't do it for me. I guess it's SOMETHING... but they're wasting time and taking the place of REAL technology that's already been built.

A couple of weeks ago Lisa and I went camping at Uvas Canyon (never go there) and it was basically one strange event after another. When we woke up to leave... her car had been broken into and her CD player was gone. There was also blood all over her car and the ground. She ended up not having some pieces of camping gear that she thought she had so we went to Target to get em. We went to my house and a grabbed a pack. Then her car wouldn't star. We jumped it. We got her a new CD player and had it installed then basically we were on our way. We got lost but when we found it we realized we didn't know which number camp spot we were in. Eventually we had to move because we picked the wrong one. And it was not peaceful at all. The entire time a huge family was blasting music with their cars and just being super loud. There was a waterfall there... but there was no water in it. Meh. I thought I had a point here... but I guess just don't go to Uvas Canyon. You can get the same atmosphere at a McDonalds. Would you like flies with that? NO?! ... too bad.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, July 10th, 2007

Time:10:54 am.
Things are sweet.

The bar just changed ownership. The new owner is a really nice guy.. and I had been planning on quitting because I'm pretty tired of working there... but I was afraid that I would screw them over if I left... so I stuck around. I went into work this Saturday and he basically tells me that they want a girl bartender to work weekends to help business since they're "getting killed" on the weekends. What this means is... I'm fired. I'm ecstatic inside and I'm trying not to smile. They ask me to work the register and I say no way. I'm really fucking glad to have my weekends free! That actually worked out quite well.

My other job is going very well... and being with Lisa is getting better all the time. Couldn't be happier. I've also been working on my side project quite a bit and I'm getting somewhere. I rebuilt the whole thing to make it a bit simpler. It's over at www.expanselabs.com

There still aren't many working parts... other than the login script and some flash that I made... but the skeleton is there. I may have one or two of the sections in working order by the end of the week. It has a wiki section that works but it's not complete enough so there's no link. If anyone has any feedback, I'd love to hear it.

Hmmm... my mom booked a trip to Puerto Vallarta for me and my sister and her... we're gonna stay in a house out there and chill.... and my dad just did the same thing in Cabo but in a bigger house with a few more family members. I think they're at the same time. This is gonna suck. =/
Comments: Read 8 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, June 10th, 2007

Time:8:31 pm.
I'm starting to really hate WoW... and the fact that my roommates do NOTHING but play it. I hate listening to them argue about crowd control on vent... or hearing Tom's fucking POS voice in constant "yell-mode" pumping through those speakers. I can't help but feel incredibly disappointed in my roommates... who probably felt on top of the world when they graduated college... but it's what... now 1.5 years later and they're not even catching a glimpse of the sun on a daily basis. I quit playing games for the most part... and I started working harder... and reading/learning more... even stopped smoking... because it was wasting my life.

Now I'm not saying that people should share this mindset... or even that they should want to... but they're smart people and they could be out doing something... ANYTHING... useful. I'd even prefer it if they had a heroin habit instead. At least they'd be more sociable.

I spent all week busting my ass for actelis. then finding some time to work for AsiaPac... and finishing both projects... then working at the bar... and not sleeping so that I could hang out with Lisa... and Zillman came into the bar the other day (where I hooked him up with free food/drinks.) and we were talking about my roommates... and I said I was disappointed that Oda wasn't doing ANYTHING with his life and how this would really stunt his "growth". And Matt said something to the effect of "none of you do shit. Not even you" Which made me extremely mad. I've been working my ass off to build my own company from the ground up... scrounging up my own deals... doing ALL the work... working more than three jobs/contracts at a time... I haven't done anything but work/see lisa/and play bass ever since I got back. and that's just bullshit. These FUCKING college graduate (best) friends of mine have this "holier than thou" attitude all the time as if they are the only ones playing life right... and it's making me so annoyed. I already feel that I'm better off without college... and that it's unnecessary... and that you can be just as successful without it.... (I have, in fact... already proven that with my past jobs) These fucking CHILDREN have no idea what it's like to be poor and to have to make your own path in life... and to bust your ass at a shitty job so you can help your own mother work her way out of a bankruptcy. They don't know hardship... and they never will... and regardless of this... I treat everyone I meet with dignity and respect. Especially my friends... who I will go out of my way to help and respect. Because that's the exact seam where society comes apart if it's allowed.

But no matter how many times you say "please" and "thank you" those words don't mean that they ever actually learned how to give a shit... and be a person of honor.

Alright... that's enough... I'm over it now.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, June 1st, 2007

Time:11:57 pm.
Lisa is fucking amazing. Quickly becoming the best girlfriend I've ever had... and the most baffling thing is how we met only a week ago. We just mesh and work so perfectly... It's crazy. I didn't know people could bond like this. I feel like I've known her forever. We're already so comfortable together. There's so much good going on.

It's so weird... but I can see it when she speaks... or looks at me... and in her actions. It works. Such a random chance meeting... it's just blowing my mind.

Happiness ensues.
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Monday, May 28th, 2007

Time:10:35 pm.
So... this is pretty strange... and probably the most eventful post I will ever make on this thing. Some crazy shit just happened.

As many of you know... I went to New York for two weeks. I actually just got back two days ago. I went to see Kara and basically just to get away from here for a while. Kara and I still have a crazy bond and I love her... but we both know that now is not the time... since we're both so far away. but after this weekend... my mind is somewhere else. First... let's rewind. Back to NY:

It was pretty cool. New York is a fun place. I wouldn't want to live there... but being able to Subway all over is kinda nice. I saw a bunch of stage shows... including Avenue Q (think South Park meets Sesame Street) and a stand-up improv thing called "too much light makes the baby go blind". Hung out in Central Park... saw the Bodies Exhibit that was on tour in NYC while I was there... and did a bunch of other fun stuff. Kara and I kinda grew closer and further at the same time... as we realized that this distance was unacceptable but necessary... blah blah blah... so it's been two weeks and it's time to go home. I get on the plane (which was late) and we wait on the runway (in line with 13 other planes) to take off... for an hour and a half. When it's our turn... the engine blows out and won't start... so they turn the plane around and dock it. They ship a new part in (1.5 hours) then repair the plane (1 hour). It's far beyond impossible for me to hit my connecting flight at this point. I tried to stay in NY another day but there are no flights the next day. My only option is to go to Denver tonight and hope they give me a hotel room for another flight tomorrow. Fuck... I have to work tomorrow. We reboard the plane... and I get to Denver. They don't have hotels. They give me a 9.00 meal voucher. It buys me a glass of orange juice and a hot dog. I haven't eaten in about 24 hours. My account is overdrawn. My only option is to sleep in the floor of the airport.

Every 10 minutes a loud voice chimes in over the intercom: "the terror level has been elevated to Orange." ... I grip my belongings and try to sleep on the tiny segmented airport chairs. No luck. I wander around the airport. 9 hours of tossing and turning and no sleep later... I board a plane to San Jose. Haven't slept in 24 hours. I arrive in San Jose... go home to take a shower... and then go to work... where Tyler has already opened in order to cover me. I'm two hours late.

I drag my ass through the shift. I'm incredibly delirious... so at this point it doesn't matter. Crane is having a celebration at Ben's house in the mountains... I'm invited. Beer and lots of food. Crane just graduated WV and was accepted into Santa Clara U!... so I have to go. I tell myself I'm leaving at 11pm so I can get lots of sleep for work tomorrow. I can't wait to sleep. A bonfire... 6 beers, and lots of meat and food later... I'm drinking water to sober up and drive home. Now is where it gets interesting.

Now I'm taking a piss in the back yard... which is actually a nice vineyard. I hear a group of people coming down through the vineyard from the neighbors house... making animal noises. I promptly make opposing animal noises back at them. Moments later I meet this group of people... and they're all fairly smashed. One of the girls was standing by the fire just sort of zoning out on her own, enjoying her glass of wine. Seemed like my kinda people... so I started talking to her. The conversation is actually really good. She's surprisingly articulate when she's drunk. Our sense of humor clicks... we're comfortable with each other. This is going somewhere.

Her and I talk for a while ... and I end up staying and drinking more. I haven't slept in 40 hours. This girl is, however... very interesting... and cute... and she's staying the night at the neighbor's house. She's in no condition to drive... and actually... neither am I at this point. To make this long story a bit shorter... there's no couch space... and she has a lot of bed space... so I sleep in her bed. But really we just end up doing a bunch of heavy petting and laughing and drinking all night. We both agreed that we saw something interesting in one another and decided not to have sex. This was a good call... because as it turns out... I like this girl... and she likes me. I haven't slept in 48 hours... my alarm is going off. I guess I fell asleep for about an hour... but that didn't count. I hurry up... get dressed... and stumble down the hill towards my car. I drive to work and stop at safeway for a toothbrush.

I work... time is moving so slowly that it hurts... and so do I. Many friends come in to work to say hi... I eventually make it through the day. I haven't slept in 55 hours. I call Lisa (the girl) and ask if I can take her to dinner later. She sounds excited. I take a two hour nap... then we go to dinner. That was yesterday. and it went VERY well.

I guess what I'm saying is... I'm happy... and I got a good night's rest last night... and DAMN did it feel good. It is, however... really weird that this all happened the DAY I got back... and... what do I do now?

Go with the flow, I suppose.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

Time:2:57 am.
Only a few days left. All I've been doing is studying languages and practicing various arts. I've pretty much signed off on work for the rest of the month. Finished some stuff here and there today... New York should be just what I need... that mood is coming back. The need for solitude. Wanderlust. I just can't decide if I should be aggravated or happy right now. Overall I'd say I feel very content and happy. I just feel crushed by the destructive nature of those around me. I've usually been one to help those in need... but I'm quite tired. I can't find the words. I'd rather just find a quiet place to study the universe.

I was once told that understanding logic and philosophy is the closest one could come to immortality. I mean... the language of the entire universe is logic... basically. Not that I want to live forever or anything... but... hell... there's a strange war inside my head right now... and she's the only element of balance and calm. I can't wait to see her!
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, May 7th, 2007

Time:12:43 pm.
Oh man. It's weird that most people say that pot gives them vivid dreams. Pot has always made me stop dreaming entirely... and when I stop smoking... like now for instance... my dreams come back in super-awesome-full-force. Yesterday I went to bed drunk from Cinco de Mayo... and I had the most fucked up dreams that I kept having to wake myself up from. Including but not limited to... being trapped in a submarine with a crazy person... and being swarmed by bees.

Last night I had some of my most awesome dreams ever. Mainly just one dream... which was so long that I can't remember the beginning and how I got involved... but there was this dude who got some crazy alien disease and he kept mutating. Somewhere far away a scientist invented some kind of helmet that allowed you to teleport to a place for a few seconds and he and his daughter had been watching the progress of this man. I forgot a bunch of details and then the man "hatched" and turned into a really hot chick who was really an alien that could kill people instantly. She had some crazy plot to destroy mankind and I ended up dating her. The dream went on for many months of actual time. I eventually found out she was an alien but she didn't know... many specific things happened and she kind of grew to like me and I think she forgot her mission amid being human for so long. and doing lots of human drugs and alcohol. So I decided we were going to trap her. I didn't have sex with her because I knew that was part of her ploy to spread the alien disease and propogate her race... so she just slutted out and started having sex with random people. This is where the dream was getting interesting... because I was going to meet the scientist that was studying her while all of these alien eggs were on the verge of hatching... essentially starting THE WAR! ... right about then my phone rang.

back to fucking real life... and I lost the coolest dream I've ever had.

It was Johnny... and he called to say I didn't put beer in the case last night at work. Now... I know for a fact that I'm the only person there that ever cleans anything... and it fucking sucks that I get no recognition for working very hard there. Also... the place is in escrow and he isn't even the real owner anymore. The new owner is cool and wants me to stay and work for him... but Johnny is determined to fire me before he leaves, apparently. I don't know why he only yells at me... because I really am a good, honest, worker. But he said "miss something again and you can just not come in anymore". I mean... come on. So basically... if he gives me any shit this coming weekend. I'm going to walk out and explain to him that his bar is going downhill because PEOPLE DON'T LIKE HIM. In fact... people avoid this bar BECAUSE OF HIM. But that'll all change in a few weeks when the new owner takes over. I really don't NEED that job anymore. I do it for fun and because I like most of the people I pour drinks for... and they come in specifically to chill with me. One thing I've found is... ever bartender has a following. Certain people who come in just to chill with them.

Whatever. Johnny can kiss my sack. I'm tired of his garbage... and his day will be a LOT longer this Saturday if he says anything to me on my last weekend before vacation.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, May 3rd, 2007

Time:12:44 am.
Life is good!

I got new clients from Joe and I may end up quitting work at the bar eventually. Johnny is starting to annoy me... and I won't really need the money anymore. Once my contracts are more solid, I'll move up.

Anyway... I'm basically just coding for clients and wasting as much time as possible until I get to go to NYC. One thing I've been doing to kill time is study. I'm also helping Dave with a video game company he's trying to build. Doing concept art and whatnot... so I have been taking time to brush up on chemistry, physics and biology. I could sit and read Wikipedia all day, actually. I know it isn't considered the MOST reliable source... but most of it is definitely ripped right out of textbooks... so yeah. I've been all about working on "skills" lately. My productivity levels are fucking huge right now. My PHP skills are getting decently leet!... and I'm even working on my Spanish. I got a practice sword and have been sparring with wooden swords with Haus. It's surprisingly good exercise. Hah.

Chemical Frameworks
I've mainly been studying morphology of species and the possibility of life existing on other elemental frameworks. As we are carbon-based lifeforms... there is a possibility that there are silicon-based and ammonia-based lifeforms... as has been theorized. The only problem is the abundance and flexibility of carbon. There are many other possibilities... but none are nearly as prevalent as carbon. I'm no chemist... but I'm starting to think it's logical for other frameworks to exist... just that it's highly improbable. Carbon is definitely the easiest element to build organic compounds on. That's for sure. An indicator of this is the fact that Earth is Carbon-poor and silicon-rich (and we have both)... yet we still came from Carbon. However... life "finds a way" as Jeff Goldblum says in Jurassic Park. Evolution can probably make up for the instabilities in complex silicon molecules over time (long chains can be created with alternating oxygen bonders)... but to what degree? Possibly not enough to support SENTIENT life. I'm sure there are single-celled ammonia and silicon organisms... but beyond that it gets tricky.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, April 27th, 2007

Time:1:04 am.
Sweet. I got some plane tickets today.

I decided that a "vacation" would be nice. As if every day (except for weekends) wasn't like a vacation already... but yeah. That's my reward for being a self-sufficient worker... or something. I hold the belief that we shouldn't work too hard. It's a waste of life... and I currently really like the way my jobs work. I also got a new client this week. Had a meeting there today. They're a bit more "annoying" than my other main client... but AsiaPac is about as nice as it gets. I don't charge them nearly as much... which is probably why.

Anyway... I'm going to New York city two weeks from now for a couple of weeks. Should be a welcome change. Gonna hang out... see some spots... get wasted... the usual. Except... not that usual... cause I'll be in NYC. There's also a slight possibility that I might leave from NY and go to Europe but that's small.

I'm planning a trip to Europe next summer with a couple of my close friends. Who's in?! :D
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, April 16th, 2007

Time:12:31 am.
Man I can't fucking decide if I should be painting, coding, or playing music right now. I'm scatterbrained and it's not helping. I think this is just blowback from not smoking. I don't think I'll ever go back to smoking every day, either... or even every other day. There's also a possibility I could quit entirely... but I doubt that. I feel confident that I'll refocus after another week of not smoking. Usually takes about 2 weeks for your brain to re-balance, they say.

It's pretty crazy how much of an influence Kara has had on me all these years. Been thinking about that (and her) constantly lately. Even back when we split... that was an inevitable good thing. Which... in itself is a lesson about lessons. eh? As if to say that learning comes in many flavors... and some of them taste bad at the time. I'll skip all of the obvious talk about positives and negatives... and how you can't have happiness without sadness... and therein lies the core of what makes us human... you know... all the yin-yang stuff... cause you know that already. It's more than that. People catalyze one another... and the strongest of these catalysts force a change in both people. If you're smart enough... any kind of change from this effect can be manifested in a positive way, I think.
I felt something that day on the beach... I know what she meant. It was a completely unique feeling. Not just love. It took me a while to figure out... but I think the answer was that this feeling was a completely true feeling of really understanding what it meant to want happiness for someone else. To know that this person was on the exact same wavelength as me. That... no matter what... I would always want to be there for her and look out for her. Not just love. REAL love. The absolute furthest point on the right side of the spectrum of emotions. That's at least how I defined it... but I could... of course, describe it in a million ways that would all be correct.

Anyway... sorry if that was kind of a gay post... so here's some sweet music you should check out. Some bands I've been listening to lately include:

- Built to Spill (all of it)
- London Philharmonic - Pink Floyd (Pink Floyd songs done by a badass orchestra. Awesome!)
- The Shins (new CD... pretty good!)
- Rodrigo y Gabriela (A spanish band with fucking amazing guitars. Very talented. If you're in the mood for something spicy :)

That should keep you busy.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, April 13th, 2007

Time:8:51 pm.
I have never been one to do all those online Memes and quizzes and crap... This would in fact be the first one... but I had to post it... because I got 100% cool and 100% wise!


Hax0r Linx!

Hmm... I edited this post for obvious reasons. I actually found it quite funny what that guy pulled on a bunch of people... and I have to admit that he pulled a sweet move on the drone populace... and I fell victim to it... so yeah... you win this round.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, April 12th, 2007

Time:7:37 pm.
I went to work at the bar last weekend and I woke up Saturday feeling like complete crap. Went to bed early and everything... but to no avail. The lame part was that I was working a double for Tyler who was out of town. I struggled through the 13 hour day and tried to close the bar at 8PM since I thought I was about to pass out... but a big party of regulars was there and they gave me shit for trying to kick them out... which is when I realized that even though I was suffering... I STILL couldn't bring myself to be a "Party-pooper" or a "buzzkill". There's just no honor in that!
So I kept the bar open until everyone was good and drunk (which ended up being around 11:30). The telltale sign of this point is when everyone starts dancing. This is a crucial point. If people are still taking tequila shots at this time, then you may have a problem on your hands in the form of floor puke. Luckily I've never had anyone throw up on my shift before (except for me. See previous posts). People know better.

Anyway... I've felt like shit all week because, apparently, I've had a sinus infection. I got some medication for it from my doctor but it still sucks ass. I was hoping to be really productive this week but it's been tough. I've only done work and played bass and drums. Good thing I don't have a "real" job. I can't bring myself to study my own code at the moment, either... so I've just been doing research and architecture for my project this week. I've also been studying Spanish and some Physics (as usual). I've been really motivated to teach myself some new stuff lately. I think I should try to do some foreign languages... since they're actually very similar to coding languages I should find it fairly simple. It should be a bit easier since I'm not smoking right now, as well. My memory fucking sucks when I'm smoking. Go figure.

I did make some progress on my site over at
I have a user login system set up with user pages but all the moving parts aren't in place yet. The "New users" are clickable and they all have pages but they're all the same page... just there for testing reasons. There are tons of scripts and other pieces that I need to build in the meantime. Not to mention graphics and other shit. This is really becoming a lot of work to do all on my own... but I am quite determined to get it done. More soon!
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, March 22nd, 2007

Time:11:25 am.
I'm so fucking happy right now I can't even describe it. My growing maturity has made me much more aware of my connection to those close to me and even feelings feel different now. I can't describe the strength of it... there's nobody out there who is an equal catalyst to her and there may never be. It makes me feel invincible. My mind is open and strong. I can't stop absorbing it all.

On top of this... there's something really tight happening. Check this. Someone (or some company) is buying Griffin CMS (the company I work for...and all of our technology)... which includes the software platform I built. The deal is already set up and is happening in 6-8 weeks they tell me... but it's a several million dollar deal... and guess who gets a peice? Yeah. Me. They already kicked a number my way... and so far I plan to travel the world after I get my check. Now's my chance to travel!
How could this be happening now, of all times?! It's so FUCKING AWESOME that I feel like dancing! Which I WILL be doing... later tonight at "80's Night" at the Blue Lagoon in Santa Cruz! :D

In other words... my life is changing so drastically right now that it's making me dizzy... but I am literally so happy and brimming with inspiration... nothing can stop me.

My side project is also coming along very well... So if good things happen in threes... then there should be one more coming, right?
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, March 12th, 2007

Time:1:20 am.
Well that was an insane weekend. It was awesome. I guess the week was, too...

Early in the week I realised that I'm pretty much happier now than I have ever been... but for reasons I had previously overlooked. More of a contentment with my decisions and ability to focus more now. I have been applying focus to every aspect of life... I think it's working or something. On top of that I think I'm just generally growing up and becoming more learned. Something like that.

Anyway... this weekend was nuts at the bar. Since Sarah's been working there it's been filling up with a much younger crowd. The days fly by pretty quick.
So I had to cover Tyler's night shift tonight and right after I got there, there was a big group of people smoking pot on the patio... always a good sign/ start to the night. After that it basically blew up. It filled up with hot chicks, too... which has been less and less rare at Johnny's these days. A super hottie gave me her number THREE times tonight, too (she kept forgetting, hah!). She was so hammered by the last one that it's all gibberish and skribbly on the bar napkin. No need to call her though. I have other things on my mind at the moment... which may sound strange... but fuck it. I've been so ridiculously productive recently... this requires an entire post to fully explain but my mind is just elsewhere until I finish what I'm building.

There's all kinds of other cool shit... but more later. Been a long weekend.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, March 4th, 2007

Subject:what's the strat?
Time:11:00 pm.

Last night was Hausle's Bday... so we all went to bars and got way too hammered. Somehow I spent all the cash I had on me, too... which was a lot. My memory is foggy at the second bar. So... I had to work the next day (today)... and I knew the mess I was getting in when we started doing liquid cocaine shots. Apparently, however, I underestimated the strength of my coming hangover which I COULD have avoided if I drank some damn water (but I passed out). So anyway... today was torture at work. I had a first though... it was my first time throwing up in a trash can at work... so I'm pretty stoked about that.

I ALMOST have some very nice new art done for all you people I said I was makin em for. Well... not all of you, yet.

I'm gonna need people to test the site I'm building at www.expanselabs.com soon, too. If anyone has any feedback, please feel free to comment. I could use some input. It's nothing to look at now, though. I won't have it updated for another week or so. At least I got my software working and fixed for the newer server.
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Monday, February 26th, 2007

Subject:but how?!?!?!
Time:3:09 pm.
I've been practicing a number of things lately. One of those things is focus. I've been changing very rapidly these days and have noticed that my level of focus is very erratic. This is directly related to my level of patience... which stems from socially adopted feelings of constant and instant gratification. Fighting this should make one a bit more "human", I would suppose. I mean... becoming "addicted" to instant gratification is setting one's self up to fail and can really only be described as de-evolution. Focus is an interesting subject to me for various reasons... but mainly... having terrible focus isn't necessarily bad, but in certain situations it can keep your mind completely derailed from a specific task... including (but not limited to :) social interaction.

As mentioned above... problems revolving around focus and patience are socially birthed. You aren't just born with them... they are "contracted"... and also mentioned earlier... they still aren't bad things if in the right hands... or... brain. But combine that with de-education or general stupification of the masses... and then you have a big problem. This is currently the direction that our culture is moving. It would seem to me, however, to be an inevitability in a capitalist and currency-centric environment, though. So the real question is how to adapt. Or... will our culture terminally drift apart as we seek to find more and more of that which is merely material and seperate ourselves into smaller and smaller niches? Interesting that in a "democracy" we're all becoming less and less familiar with one another. I can't think of what else I was going to say here. Feel free to comment.

Completely off subject... let's talk about black holes. They are STILL completely theoretical... but we have seen evidence of them and are quite certain they exist. Simply speaking... black holes are the "deconstructors" of the universe. Matter in the universe is somewhat clumped into galaxies (much like cells in your body... these galaxies are also essentially chemical reactors). Galaxies consist of objects that are the product of gases and other matter from all over the universe being compressed by gravitational force (more or less). These huge clouds of junk are known as "nebulas"... and this is where stars are born. Stars, on average, "live" for about 20 billion years (our sun is about 10 billion years old and is of average mass for a star. Larger, higher mass stars live much shorter lives). Stars are essentially giant nuclear reactors that burn (mainly) hydrogen. When stars run out of fuel their core will collapse on itself and this is the beginning of the star's death which is known as a "supernova". The star is so massive that it collapses violently into a single, TINY, superdense  point in space known as a singularity and basically becomes a black hole. The black hole is so powerful that it is believed to disrupt space and time. Not to mention light and matter. It sucks in all nearby matter and breaks it down into elementary  sub-particles... which, in essence... is like a recyling unit for the universe. Some black holes spit out a giant stream of these particles while "drinking" in any matter in it's range... sending them back out into the universe to be sorted and reassigned. Also... when a star goes supernova it explodes as well... and the resulting explosion is so incredibly hot that it "melts" different lighter atoms together to create new ones. This is called "nuclear fusion". This is where new elements come from... and if you see the connection... this means that many stars had to explode in order for the matter we're made of (and supported by) to even exist. That's about the fastest I can explain it... and there's way more to it all... but hell... it's beautiful, ain't it?

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Monday, February 12th, 2007

Time:1:09 am.
yo. It's been a long time.

Life's been all kinds of weird. Today I was working at the bar and this crazy  felon that lots of people know of, apparently, came in all high on crack and was at the point of threatening to jump over the bar to kill anyone who "stood in his way" or something... up until I went outside and told Mark what was up. He said to me: "no problem, I'll smooth it out". Mark is basically a huge badass with his head on surprisingly straight for all the shit he's dealt with... and he came in like a police negotiator and basically saved my ass from getting stabbed. After the guy left there were several people in the bar telling me that he was basically someone who would... and I quote: "kill you and not give a shit." but the strange part of it all is... I was never really that threatened for my life or anything... it actually made me feel intrigued to be threatened... as fucked up as that sounds, it was something interesting to kill the time.


I realised more that inspiration is something that can be derived from any emotion... not just the happy ones... and I've gotten WAYYY better at guitar and pen/pencil skills since I've been getting my shit more in order. I think I'm not gonna play anymore WoW, as well. I've cut back smoking a ton, too... and I've been going to bars and back to my old, sociable self.


Grant and I set up an office and have begun setting up or company and building some software. We are, unfortunately, unsure of our company name... thinking of names is fucking so hard now... especially since almost every .com out there is taken, heh. We're presenting our business plan in a few weeks to investors and I've got hookups to set up a board of advisors.

and finally...

Not only has Astrotek released some new music, but ZillMC and I will be featured in a new upcoming song of his... AND I've written a couple songs that are also getting released by ME pretty soon. Strange, eh?
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Monday, November 27th, 2006

Subject:Suck it
Time:1:10 am.
I'm still working on art for people... and in the process I've gotten much better at drawing specific feature differences in characters. Anyway it's fun, so I'll have one or two finished very soon. Since I often make the art center around it's idea... I have some titles already picked out.
Here are the titles of some:

Nita: "4th Removed"
Sumaie: "Collapse"
Xia: ???????
Airi: "Sed8tion" (I think) OR... "Strange Things"
Musicgod: ?????
Jenie: "Cliffspot"

That's right Xia! No title for yours yet! Suck the juice of VINDICATION!

I think that's all for now. I added some stuff to several of the drawings/paintings, but I had a lack of creativity this week.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

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